Friends With Benefits

So today's post is geared more for the ladies. I recieved an email from a follower who may I add made me really happy because (drumroll please...) she's from New Zealand! Yes, Girl Meets World has officially gone global (Yay for us). It feels really good to know that the blog is getting out there. Even though this one reader was sent our page from a Canadian friend,  she did mention that her and her New Zealand roommates  love our page and are checking it daily. Thanks Girls!

Moving onto today's agenda. The email read: 


Dear Girl Meets World, 

I am an exchange student living in New Zealand and had a friend send me the link to your blog. First of all I wanted to say that the new page looks a lot nicer and as much as your blog makes me miss home (I read your last post of things to do in Toronto this month), my roommates and I really enjoy reading it. I've made sure to show some local girlfriends as well. Anyways, I had a question. I've been seeing this guy for awhile and I guess you could say our relationship is "with benefits".  I know starting a relationship knowing that I will be leaving in a few months isn't the greatest idea, which is why we originally came to terms with just being "friends with benefits". But I really like him and I'm not sure how to get out of this zone with him and maybe make the relationship more serious. What should I do? - Reader

 This is a tough situation but a very common one I think. Here are my thoughts on this though.


Dear Reader,


This type of relationship always seems to start off fun because it's a game and both of you feel you are in control. You flirt a lot, you text, you might even hang out. There's no commitment involved however, you don't need to be anywhere at a particular time, you don't need to tell the other where your going (unless of course you want them there too). It feels good to get the attention and in a way it becomes addictive, but eventually the fun wears off and naturally we can become attached to this  guy who tickles our fancy. Why? Because we're girls and we can't bury emotions the same way that guys do.

The truth however is that it can be very very hard to go from being friends with benefits to a girlfriend. The reason for this is because you agreed that nothing was serious and therefore he isn't going to take you seriously. Again, you ask why? Well, because you didn't demand the respect that a 'girlfriend type' would from the get-go. Don't hate yourself for this, its not your fault. I think that sometimes flirting will just escalate and skip a few steps  and the dating part never really falls through. So you hope that your the exception, that this path will let you two grow close enough and he'll still respect you enough to maybe want something more with you one day. (Believe me, I've seen it happen and it's shocked me too!) Courtship is important though. It's a process into a relationship. The whole dating thing - the hanging out and going out - it's the part of a relationship that will let both people get to know eachother and decide if they really are interested in pursuing something. It allows them to think "hey, I had a lot of fun with this (girl/guy), I think I want to do that again". But hey, it's not always like that, so don't fret or kick yourself. Like I said, you aren't the only person this has happened to. But back to your question of trying to move out of this zone and into the girlfriend zone...

Most (good) guys will consider commitment when a girl takes *herself* seriously enough to go about a relationship in a respectable way. That means, going on dates before getting physical, meeting eachother friends, NOT seeing eachother whenever you get an opportunity, instead just pacing the whole thing. Most of the time, if you do this, they might care for you in the way that you hoped. 


But if I was in your position, this is what I would do.


Step 1: Pull away a bit.  Don't text him, or call him. Make him work for it. If he calls or messages you asking where you've been. Tell him you've been busy but that you'd love to hang out and catch up but do it in away that he has to answer. For example: "Hey, I've been so busy. How about dinner or a movie on Saturday?   


If he says yes, then go to DINNER or a MOVIE - GO OUT and DO NOT give in to anything if he tries. Maybe meet him so you have your own car to go home in or if he does pick you up, just say goodnight, tell him you had fun and off you go. Then go back to pulling away just a little. If he likes you, then he'll want to do it again which will lead to ...


Step 2 (Option A): So you went out once, things were good. He's called you and wants to see you again so you agree to go out. You have to tell him how you feel. As hard as it might be, just let him know. No one is a mind reader, and you can't expect him to know what you're thinking or feeling. So once you've laid it out there ask him what he thinks about that and there's your answer. If it's the one you were looking for than great, you can live happily-ever-after (or for however long it lasts). Just make sure you pace yourself again and be yourself. No more games, it'll move forward from there but as always, be careful. If the answer you get isn't what you want then move on to option b.


Option B: This is the step you'd take after Step 1, if you're boy of interest says no to an outing or doesn't even respond or hey is "too busy" or after Step 2 if you haven't gotten the answer you were looking for. Again, it's pretty simple. So walk away, and just get over it. Let yourself know that it is what it is and there's no point trying to make it something else. As Marilyn Monroe said "Sometimes 'good' things fall apart so that better things can fall together". It's just one guy, don't worry your little head about it too much!


Hope that helps! 
 xoxo